un-welcome.

its chinese new yr soon.everything is chaotic here around me.
it seems so un-welcoming to almost everywhere i go.
no matter what.
my step-mother is giving me loads of problems.
dad cant solve any of it at all.
mom doesnt seems to understand tho i tot she does.
sometimes i ask why am i born here??
its seems like the answer is because im just accidently here due to a mistake. a shotgun.
no matter how much i try to be optimistic,,it just seems that it is me putting on a fake smile.
i dont even know whether to stay at home to rot on 2nd day of CNY or to go mom's place.
why life is so unfair??
i am already in a broken family...why cant let me live life peacefully now??
step-mom is so bias towards my youngest sis..
mom is bias toward sis...
me??
independance...

sometimes i really wonder...what am i working for??
for others or my future??
my future is so unpredictable..
CNY is suppose to be a happiest festival...why am i sitting infront of the com trying to tears the day off??
i always tot that no matter what happen,,i still have my mom beside me to support me in whatever i do...but now,,no more
her words can never be trust anymore.
she cant even trust me..what can i say??
even dad...
i guess i dont even need to work that hard anymore.
waste others & MY TIME.

un-wanted i guess is the only word that can discribe how im feeling now.
no kins really care about how i feel.
look at the close ones like my dad & mom..
their living their own happy life with his newly born kid & boyfriend.

if i have another path to choose...i wont choose this path again.
ever AGAIN.
i would rather be in a family where everyone is caring for one another & happiness is filled in it.
unlike this..simply pushing me around unless i worth something,,like my results.
dad always assume that im happy.
to be frank..im not.
mom keeps thinking that we want to stay home with dad & doesnt want to come back in CNY..

i want come back,,& im dying to..

but she told my grandma that we're not coming back.
see?? unwanted isnt it???

to anyone: you can have my life...im willing to gave it to you:)

p.s: i dont want any comments for this post.